If I could only strengthen you

I would let you hold my hand

I would let you feel that someone’s here

For you to make a stand

I would let myself be down so low,

And let my ankles be all tied

So you could stand proud upright

And walk through your darkest nights.

If I could only make you happy

I would take every word you say

I would keep the strokes of hurtin’

Till I feel there’s no more pain

I would cry myself so helpless

For your smile to be so bright

Then I can turn your mistakes to gain

So they can treat you right.

If I could only be a good friend

I would build a bridge for you

I would keep the dust out of your feet

And feel good ‘coz you are you

I would keep an eye on everything

So you’re always safe and sound

Then all my life I would cherish the days

You’re there so near until you’re gone.

If I could weep so you could breathe

I would let my days be sold

I would pass my cup of duty

So I can do what’s yours

I would take all storms and thunders

And keep you there at home

So living would be easy for you

Until you become blurred and grew cold.

If I could only be your soul mate

I would always dream with you

And build the castle as we grow

For I have faith in you

I would block the rays away from your heart

And be delightfully blessed

So that fools are out of the picture

And the braves are left for a dare.

If I could only forget about you

I wouldn’t take every little chance

Of getting into closeness again

That is really out of hand

I would let go of my thoughts of you

Thinking what I felt…

The again I’ll save my soul

From the dreadful choice of death.

If I could only close my hand

I would never really care

And step out of someone’s feelings

And let them live and bear

I would have killed my senses

And feel dumped to fill the bruises

All these I felt, I’ve done

The scars are there… it can’t be drowned.

Book of Shadows - September 2001

I have tons of things, events, and people to be thankful for but I limit myself to number 28! Here goes…

1. Mom, Pap, Ate, Isai and Maia

2. Crazy and fun-loving cousins and relatives

3. Stable career and a brighter future to look forward to…

4. My soul sisters - 13 years of true friendship and counting!

5. My kups CPA friends

6. My MFC friends

7. My KPMG friends

8. My Gradschool friends

9. My TCI friends

10. All my friends around the world

11. Travels around the best cities in the world (and more cities in the future)

12. Comfy home, a ride and all the perks of living with my parents! haha..

13. The opportunity to live the life in the Caribbean for 3 years - paradise at its finest.

14. My ps3 and the best videogames ever made

15. For losing 45 pounds in the last 2 years!

16. Boxing, mountain biking and tennis

17. UST and DLSU for my quality education

18. IFRS, ISAs and all the geek stuff about accounting

19. Photography, guitars and music

20. Franco, parox, greenday, kings of leon and all my fave bands!

21. kurant, capt morgan, alexander keiths and all the best wine in the world (enjoyed with friends and family)

22. Ipod, ipad, BB and all the techie stuff invented

23. Loving, hurting, and healing

24. All my dreams that came true and the capacity to dream some more

25. All my books and comic books

26. Greek and Mediterranean cuisines

27. Chucks and DCs

28. Great God for the gift of life! =)

Yeeeesss 28 nako, pwede na mag-asawa! haha..

You wake up from a happy sleep. Working in the real world can be tiring most of the time, unlike in videogames where dying can always mean you can reset from the last save, in the real world you just die when it’s time. But after a day’s work, sleeping is luxury. Happy life – you are financially secured with a stable family life. What else can one ask for? Until you realize that the person you saw when you wake up from a happy sleep is not the first person in your mind that morning, actually most of your mornings. Now the road to take each day is the path of the insensitive. How can one take it and live like someone who is totally different from what you really are. Peer pressure, family pressure, what other people say will always matter. Ordinary people have to pretend all the time because the only one who knows you is yourself – unless you tell someone everything about you. In reality, there’s this one person who can just see what you really are, no questions needed. That person will be there for you no matter what, you can tell anything and that person won’t judge. But keeping that person can also be risky, since a change of tide can lead to destruction – career, family, life, name it that person knows about it. So beware of hurting other people so much, as they say, karma’s a whore.

I believe that at one point, you will just feel that one particular being is meant to be with you. You don’t ask, you just feel. I felt that years ago, you find that soul match in weird circumstances sometimes. Happy life. I thought I just found the match of a lifetime; I actually did for a while, until I realized that my happy balloon just popped because of the circumstances of the real world – a crucial death in the real world. My “person” was taken away by achievements, family expectations, a more stable outlook and ordinary people’s impressions. Everything just ended, that shit just crushed a wooden heart to pieces. Hey happy is an overstatement.

With all the weirdness inside, one can only feel the hatred catching up with friendship – a fake friendship all the while. I hope it’s real, because you surely put on a great mask of a phony happy life.

 Source: Book of Shadows page 5

If you are at first lonely, be patient.

If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.

We can start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library, where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books; you’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.

There is also the gym, if you’re shy, you can hang out with yourself and mirrors, you can put headphones in.

Then there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.

And there’s prayer and mediation, no one will think less if you’re hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.

Start simple. Things you may have previously avoided based on your avoid being alone principles.

The lunch counter, where you will be surrounded by “chow downers”, employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town, and they, like you, will be alone.

Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.

When you are comfortable with “eat lunch and run”, take yourself out for dinner; a restaurant with linen and Silverware. You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo desert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.

Go to the movies. Where it’s dark and soothing, alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.

And then take yourself out dancing, to a club where no one knows you, stand on the outside of the floor until the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching because they’re probably not. And if they are, assume it is with best human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats, is after-all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating. And beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things. Down your back, like a book of blessings.

Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you. Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, they are always statues to talk to, and benches made for sitting gives strangers a shared existence if only for a minute, and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversation you get in by sitting alone on benches, might of never happened had you not been there by yourself. 

Society is afraid of alone though. Like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements. Like people must have problems if after awhile nobody is dating them.

But lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it.

You can stand swathed by groups and mobs or hands with your partner, look both further and farther in the endless quest for company.

But no one is in your head. And by the time you translate your thoughts an essence of them maybe lost or perhaps it is just kept. Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those “sappy slogans” from pre-school over to high school groaning, we’re tokens for holding the lonely at bay.

Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.

It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experiences unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relived, keeps things interesting, life’s magic brings much, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it.

Take silence and respect it.

If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it, if your family doesn’t get you or a religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.

You could be in an instant surrounded if you need it.

If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it.

SOURCE: LYBIO.net. Copyrights: Tanya Davis

I never felt alone, till I met you
I’m alright on my own
And then I met you
And I’d know what to do
If I just knew, what’s comin’

sapul! +)

The blissful light subjugates my profession

As I seek to unearth my latent knack,

To convey notions and

To hearten my colleagues’ spirits

I felt a sudden inclination to weigh up

My immutable fate.

With allusion to a life of day dreams,

I recuperate the tendency to think free;

To educate my sense of self and

To gauge the remaining fear in me.

I am frightened by the apparent change

In my life as I let my profession

Channel my adherence to the brighter light,

With this I pray for reason…

To let go and let Him.